1. |
Hindsight (Prelude)
02:54
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2. |
Trope
04:34
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I put on my green dress
I paint my eyes a shade that is both hostile and inviting
This is a new kind of feeling
My desire to disturb is so intense that it is frightening
I've rolled my eyes at the girls in the movies who act so petty
I've no excuse for the way I imitate
The way I imitate
The way I imitate
And I'm laughing and I'm batting my eyes
And I'm ignoring you but only out of spite
And what I'm calling spite is really hope
Who knew that I'd become such a trope
I have been prideful, and stubborn, a tad moralistic
But one word I thought I was safe from was messy
I felt I was different
I was the mature, progressive girl who knew nothing of greed or jealousy
And in the morning I'm sick to my stomach but not from what I drank
The shame of these actions I wish I could release
I wish I could release
I wish I could release
And I'm laughing and I'm batting my eyes
And I'm ignoring you but only out of spite
And what I'm calling spite is really hope
Who knew that I'd become such a trope
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3. |
U Want What I Want
04:54
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What is all this argument for
Who is counting who's keeping score
I don't want to fight anymore
You want what I want
Semantics help the essence hide
All our shouting feels like a lie
Fact is we are on the same side
You want what I want
The irony of wanting someone you love to lose
The irony of wanting someone you love to lose
You love to lose, you love to lose
Please search out your face in my eyes
Don't you see the same thing as I
Two hearts that are so closely entwined
Don't you want, what I want
There was a time, when all that I felt, I felt in you
There was a time, when all that I felt, you felt too
But that was then, and this is new
But that was then, now who are you
What is all this argument for
What is all this argument for
I don't want to fight it anymore
You don't want what I want
You don't
I don't want to fight it anymore
You don't want what I want
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4. |
Sparse
04:28
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Remember:
When I could fill a space larger than the both of us
I could feel it radiating to those close to us
A power sourced from joy alone
So gentle, yet so immense
I remember:
The feeling of expansion starting from my heart
I was larger than myself, rich with elements, so natural
And now my work no longer needed
My resources returned
How could I feel so sparse
How could I feel so sparse
Deflated, inglorious
Hollow and incredulous
How could I feel so sparse
The ways we fill ourselves up
The ways we fill ourselves up
The myths we tell ourselves about the ways we fill up others
The ways we fill ourselves up
The myths we tell ourselves about the ways we fill up others
Completing to complete in turn
And when the curtain's raised up
And when the curtain's raised up
When our stories are disproved there is a space that's never-ending
And when the curtain's raised up
When our stories are disproved there is a space that's never-ending
With plenty of room to learn
How I could feel so sparse
How I could feel so sparse
So narrow, emaciate
Wholly unappreciated
How could I feel...
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5. |
Saturn
02:00
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6. |
Grown
04:27
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7. |
Kindness, Calmness
04:37
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Treats upon a bedside table,
He listened, I'm new to this
Never thinks you're too much at once
Likes it when you talk shit
Meals received with gratitude,
Tolerates my scuttling moods,
Smiling, sweeping up the crumbs
It's been a while since I've felt dumb
Ease is hard to settle into,
Paradoxically
Ease is hard to settle into,
But I want to try,
I'm ready, I'm ready
Kindness, calmness,
I could do this
Kindness, calmness,
I could do...
He smiles, I smile,
Nothing to this,
Kindness, calmness
Ease is hard to settle into,
For a wired mind like me,
Ease is hard to settle into,
I'm standing here before you,
I'm ready, help me...
Kindness, calmness,
Kindness, calmness,
I could do this,
Kindness, calmness,
I could do,
You smile, I smile,
Nothing to this,
Kindness, calmness,
Oh I promised myself this,
Please don't resist,
You deserve this,
Kindness, calmness,
I deserve it...
I deserve it...
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8. |
Inertia
05:01
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Nobody ever disappears completely nowadays,
Oh isn't it a shame, oh isn't a shame,
Rarely does a day go by where I don't read your name,
Oh rarely does a day go by where I don't read your name...
I go about my happy life with ease until interrupted by
The lighting of a screen, the typing of your keys,
And here comes my shallow breathing...
Here comes my shallow breathing.
Scrolling nostalgically through life the other day
I accidentally played, oh I accidentally played
A video from the night we took the picture on my mother's desk
Oh a video from the night we took the picture on my mother's desk
And now I often spend time wondering where that photo rests:
within a pile of trash or underneath the thrashing of a paper shredder?
I thought I was getting better
First I see how it feels, then you see how it feels, then I see how it feels,
Inertia, inertia, oh,
This is just how we heal, regrets form and congeal,
Inertia, inertia, oh
I wish that I could disappear completely nowadays,
Withdraw into a haze, oh withdraw into a haze,
And write my absence as a burning question mark upon your skin,
And write my absence as a burning question mark upon your skin,
Oh all I ever really wanted was for you to feel my urgency,
The tightness of my breath, the throbbing of my soul as something temporary,
Not to be taken lightly
And when I finally got my wish, the feeling was not victorious,
The longing in your eyes, the sadness in your smile,
There was nothing fun about it
I could have done without it
First you see how it feels, then I see how it feels, then you see how it feels,
Inertia, inertia, oh,
This is just how we heal, regrets form and congeal,
And are never really healed,
Inertia, inertia, oh
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9. |
What I Can Do
04:33
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I cannot move myself ahead in time
I cannot accelerate my mind
I cannot accelerate...
I cannot undo what was done to me
I cannot love you uncomplicatedly,
I cannot love you uncomplicatedly,
But I can talk, I can talk,
And I can be kind,
And I can be honest,
While I wait, while we wait..
What can I do, what can I do...
I can act as I want to feel,
I can do as I want to be,
I can look at this world as I want it to look at me...
What I can do...
I can talk, I can let you in,
While I wait, while we wait...
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10. |
Something Unknown
05:13
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The sound of crisis, the crash of change,
Shattered my sight like broken glass,
I did not know what I was missing,
I did not know what I could have,
How could I know what I would have...
A self-effacing I had relished,
I did not care what I received,
I was constricted, was diminished,
But saw no reason to be finished,
But saw no reason to be finished...
Then came the shock, the sudden violence,
That painful lucid sense of fear,
And then a quiet voice said sorry,
I had to hurt to make things clear,
I had to hurt to make things clear
My misery a narrow tunnel,
But what was on the other side,
A love that's based in true in attention,
A love that's finally equalized,
A love that's finally equalized.
The things we need they happen to us,
Whether we choose them or not,
Like the scientist said when his time was up,
Something unknown is doing we don't know what,
Something unknown is doing we don't know what
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11. |
Hindsight (Reprise)
04:16
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For half these years, nothing grew here
A fact I did not realize to be true
For I could not see what did not move,
Like an animal waiting for its kill...
For half these years, nothing grew here
A fact did not realize to be true
For I could not see what did not move
Like an animal waiting for its kill,
I thought it would all work out if I stood still...
For half these years...
For half these years nothing grew here
A fact I did not realize to be true
For I could not see beyond my own hope
Like a foolish young girl with starry eyes
For half these years nothing grew here
A fact I did not realize to be true
For I could not see beyond my own hope
Like a foolish young girl with starry eyes
Who can willfully stand by her own lies
And is pitied by those who stand outside
And smile sadly and say it's no surprise
When her illusion finally does die
But at least she still strives for what is best
I guess I'll take that part and leave the rest
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